Friday, December 30, 2005

QOTD: what's next?

question of the day: yesterday was the company's resolutions, now what are your resolutions?

find higher quality hookers at lower prices

I have none. I'm perfect the way I am.

get out of this company

Be nice

I’ve got a couple because I figure if I make a bunch of resolutions I improve my chances of at least one being successful. I resolve to get my golf score under 100. I resolve to finish all the work that needs to be done in our new house. I will try and make a budget and stick to it. At some point I should quit smoking, but I’m going to push that one off until the spring. Rome wasn’t built in a day, so why should I make good on all of these resolutions at once? It’s a marathon, not a sprint!

xxxx: To lose weight, get rich, cause a scandal, write a book and then host my own talk show. I'm currently interviewing for guests who have llamas but haven't named them.
me: oh i would've been perfect for that, but i've already named my llama!
xxxx: haha.....well i can still fit you in if it took you an unusually long time to name it
me: llawrence lloyd lliverpool took like 8 weeks to think up
xxxx: ok you're in...especially because of the creative alliteration used in the naming process...woo hoo my first guest!

to get more organized - i am the most unorganized person on this planet - and i need to get my act together!

work on the house, keep in touch iwth my family/friends, and just overall trying to be a better person.

I resolve to stop masturbating so much...and never at work anymore

to not being so scared of the unknown, and to move

To do three things in 2006 that I will never do again

1. Become proficient in Hindi and start Chinese
2. Loose 15lbs
3. Study for the GMAT like its my 2nd job
4. Be nicer, less lazy, and more patient
5. Constantly READ

Thursday, December 29, 2005

QOTD: office resolution

question of the day: pretend our company is a person, what new year's resolutions should he/she make this year?

stay steady, make more money and renew business

[company] should resolve to not be so friggin' stingy and cut out all the meaningless corporate B.S. like self-reviews, points programs, and ethics courses.

If our company was a person, it would be named [person]. [person] should resolve to be more generous to the people who support him. He should also bake lots of cakes. In other words, I want a big raise and more cake.

to take the time to memorize where [meeting rooms] are so they don't have to ask me ten times a day..... oh yeah, that and give me more money.

quit drinking

Have more parties :-)

stop screwing the employees in a particular place where sun doesn't shine

1. provide real incentives to stay at [company] - via december bonuses...result oriented raises
2. provide more group related activities - such as a [company] bball team, habitat for humanity
3. make sure everyone has enough to do
4. monthly company sponsored happy hours
5. better coffee, free soda, and good water

to not call me any day that i take the day off

quit masturbating

[company] should be more generous next year. he should think about not smoking any more too.

not force us to use substandard software such as im clients. grrr

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

96 emails in my inbox


I’m down to only 96 emails in my Inbox.  This is quite an accomplishment.  I had 872 emails this morning when I started the “cat process.”  Of course, by “cat process,” I mean the decision to either label an email and file it away (categorizing it) or purging it to the deleted items folder (like a cat coughing up a hair ball).

Of these 96 emails left, they each contain at least one thing that I have to do for work.  I’m not positive at this moment in time that I’ve finished 96 things in my entire life up to this point.  I’m sure that I must have but that seems like an awfully big number to me.

One time when I was in college, we actually sat and licked away the lollipop portion of a tootsie pop.  It took 82 licks.  That’s a lot of licks.  But it’s not 96.  What was really interesting about that, should you ever attempt it, is that around 50 or so licks, the lollipop must have been all heated up.  It just started dripping lollipop juice all over the place.

Oh wait, two more emails came in.  Message from my boss about something I already emailed him the answer to… delete.  My girlfriend giving me crap about not going out on New Year’s eve (c’mon, the giants game starts at 8pm).  Thinking about a reply… Better just delete that one.

I’m back to 96 emails in my Inbox.

I’d write more about this… but five more emails just came in.






QOTD: worst year ever!

question of the day: worst song of 2005?

Don't Cha, pussycat dolls. it's garbage.

every song that isn't a hillary duff song. I couldn't decide between hillary duff or ashlie simpson....

the quack by smoosh.

my humps - black eyed peas and cool - gwen stefani, actually pretty much the entire gwen stefani album except hollaback girl, which is awesome. and yes, the $h!t really IS bananas

if Ashlee Simpson didn't lip sync it, it is the worst song of 2005

Maybe it's my fault for expecting too much from this superstar duo, but I really hate the song that Gwen Stefani and Pharrell did that goes like this: P: "Can I get it like this" GS: "You know you got it like that." Ad nauseam...

Sacrifice by Prussian Blue

#3 worst song - Black Eyed Peas, "Lady Lumps"

not sure if this song is from 04 or 05, but the song "move bitch get out of the way" is absolutely terrible. what a stupid title - it sounds terrible - and it just pisses me off, but somehow that song makes it into everyone's ipod...and i don't know how

No one song that i've heard has really pissed me off this year...the song that I haven't heard that should piss me off is Black Eyed Peas with 'My Lumps' at least according to informed sources. i normally like the black eyed peas, i haven't heard that one though. that maybe should have been my humps, sorry

"HollaBack Girl" - Gwen Stefani

The Whisper Song by the Yin Yang Twins

Whatever Kevin Federline released, it just must have been bad.

Worst song: These Boots Are Made For Walkin' by Jessica "Big Teets" Simpson

Anything by Mariah Carey. She makes my ears bleed.

worst song of the year, the year was 1977 and the song was du run run run by the Bay City Rollers

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

QOTD: best year ever!

question of the day: best thing thats happened to you in 2005?

a couple of pretty top notch things happened this year... i got a raise without having to pitch a fit over it, i established a small, but lucrative business from a hobby, i became friends with some new and cool people this year, and my golf score skyrocketed this year!

I got married.

my "standard" 3% raise. just fyi - 3% of $12,300 is $369. thanks!

I was able to come back from a visit to India without any hassle, I was able to go to vegas, was able to do quite a bit of work, and study. Enjoyed by taking a whole lot of pictures. Was able to know my co workers better, partook in the cone revolution. Was nominated twice and won once - an award. Was able to get my car successfully inspected (Hurray!). Met lot of old friends. saved bunch of money on my car insurance (yay!) . I partake in the QOTD's- which is awesome.

I moved out of my parents house into my own apartment. My life has been one big party since then.

I met a great girl who has long-term potential. Wow, I never thought I would utter those words ever again...

getting married

It was a great year for wool. I shaved over 275 sheep and really maximized my profits for 2005.

I saw the face of Jesus in the arrangement of several cones on the floor.

My daughter being born. Top 3 days of my life. The others are the day I married my wife and the day my divorce from my ex became final :-)

having sex with someone other than myself. haha....a red letter year!

Every year is a good year. No, I do not work for the tire company

2005 hasn't been that bad for me, although nothing spectacular happened...nothing horrible happened either. i visited a new country (taiwan) - got a new job - got a song dedicated to me (it may not seem like a big deal, but it was to me), but i'd say most importantly -- i learned how to read and write a new language :-).

Tie: Getting married and finding out my wife is pregnant...and it's mine!

got laid many times, please print that

I guess the best thing was being given the opportunity to lead [project] from [dept] side. I hope I did ok

met the love of my life ;D

Ringing in 2005 in a real Irish bar in Ireland with Irish sailors. Nothing beats it. Without a doubt, the most interesting and unlikely moment of my year. :-)

finally getting a canadian stamp on my passport

being old enough to know better

Friday, December 23, 2005

QOTD: baby you can drive my car

question of the day: what is your dream car?

one that poops money

2007 Mustang GT OR 2007 Infiniti G35

not too sure - it changes often, but i like the audi convertible A4, the mini lexus convertible - black :-)

the oscar meyer weinermobile

1965 Shelby 426 Cobra (silver)

pony http://www.autofoco.com/pictures/2976479i.jpg

1908 carriage deluxe with chromed rims and a large bed to fit all the sheep

I have to go with a car my mom actually owned before I was born. A 1967 Camaro SS convertible.

nissan z

a honda CR-V SUV - good size, looks nice, and it will run forever :-D

cherry red audi tt roadster. so hot.

Yugo. I remember in the 80's they cost $3999

nissan skyline gt-r nismo, or mitsubishi lancer evolution VIII
http://www.rsportscars.com/eng/cars/nismo_gt-r_z-tune.asp

the 1999 toyota gt-one. i'm not sure where i could buy one, though

Elsinore Mustang

Toyota Camry

Thursday, December 22, 2005

QOTD: powerful office

question of the day: If you could have one super power, what would it be, and why?

the power to make anyone happy - i thought first about the power to heal - but that doesn't guarentee happiness - the spirit is far more important than anything physical -

Mind bullets!!!

i would like the ability to read minds at my leisure. i don't want to hear voices all the time or anything, just when i'm curious and especially at work in meetings. although, i'm going to have to work on my poker face, because i think i would be laughing a LOT.

Oh that's an easy one.....the ability to stop time! Do you know how much of a pain it is trying to get all the sheep together. Just think if I was able to stop time I could place them wherever I wanted without having to run around!!!

Time travel. To kick my cousin who used to terrorize me when I was 4

invisibility, too many reasons to list

it would kind of be like "using the force"...I would be able to read minds and then also change peoples thoughts. Why? Because it would kick butt...Just think, i could make co-worker go tell manager to go f themselves!

Does being Master of space, time, and dimension count as one power?

i've been trying to be invisible most of my life, its really not all its cracked up to be...i might like to fly but i'm not too keen on heights...i think i might like to be able to go anywhere in the blink of an eye. or turn into a giant rock monster and smash cities or something

without a doubt - the ability to fly. i'm fascinated by flying -- in fact, most of the things i dream about are somehow related to the sky such as -- like owning a plane, riding concord, flying in luxury, etc. but if i could fly....wow! :-) in fact, that's why i've been OBBESSED with superman as a child

I'd want to be able to poop money

I'm gonna have to go with Invincibility on this one. I'd like to be able to do whatever insane stunts I want without getting hurt.

When I was little, I wanted the ability to shoot lasers out of my eyes. Then as I grew older and became interested in X-Men, I realized Cyclops was a douchebag and the ability to shoot lasers out of one's eye is just stupid. So nowadays, I think being a shapeshifter would be really cool. I really have no logic behind this....it's just cool.

To be invisible so I could be the proverbial “fly on the wall”.

Understand women, because I need the comedy

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

QOTD: office poetry

question of the day: write me a haiku?

cold frosty windshield
barefoot outside on my lawn
the car seat is hot

SMOOTHED BY SEAS
A NEARLY ROUND ROCK
POINTS HOMEWARD

dude...i am an immigrant, I can't tell what the f' a syllable is, but here's one:
you want a haiku?
All I have to say to you
is F@#$ you!

Question of the day
Sweet gift of passing the time
Laughs are plentiful

holiday luncheon
on the heels of a $h!t day
no pizza I hope

Considering that
I am no good at writing
This will have to do.

Today we eat lunch
I hope it will be yummy
At least it is free

free lunches are great
but so are free hookers
i hate all of you

The moment two bubbles
are united, they both vanish.
A lotus blooms.

I sit at my desk
Waiting for word of the day
todays q was gay

give me one more night
to graze among the soft grass
we sheep have no rules

can you feel the cones
they are calling one and all
can you beat the best

today it begins
winter will be very long
i want to leave now!

time is going by
too quick to do anything
maybe i will leave

I believe that [coworker]
Is running out of ideas
For Q.O.T.D.

still no work for me
staring at a blank screen
can i leave early?

Pretend to work now
No one is the wiser yet
You will still get paid

looking for some work
i get bored so easily
any bugs to fix?

yes, i love drinking,
and i know what you're thinking,
but i'm irish - there!

what kind of name is
sufjan, i mean what were they
thinking? pretty dumb

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

QOTD: the party

question of the day: did you go to the party? anything interesting happen? if you didn't go, how was your weekend? do anything exciting?

no...weekend was ok, checked out houses, bought a new vaccum and babysat my poor lil' sick newphew

i did go to the party. and the happy hour before. and the post party in the bar after. had a fabulous time. watched my co-workers cut a rug (always entertaining), played the longest game of pool on earth, drank more than necessary. totally enjoyed myself.

I yawned my way through a party on Saturday. I'm old. Also... that trivial pursuit game with the DVD sucks monkey balls.

I went to the party, dropped some chicken at our CEO's feet and watched my career (deep fried and all) falling in slow motion to the floor. Then I yelled out that I was latino right in her ear (I didn't realize she was there and also, I'm not even the slightest bit latino). Good times, good times...

i did go to the party - i do not know of anything crazy happening - [reality tv famous person] came to the party - i was not a part of the crowd rushing over to see him. my weekend was good - i went to dc, drank too much wine, shopped, and headed back - it was one of the shortest trips i've ever taken to dc. overall, i'd say it was a good weekend :-).

yes, i went...Had a good time.

went to the party for about 2 hours and left right before [reality tv famous person] showed up. Also found out some interesting info about a fellow co-worker.

Yup, went to party. Nice party. All people were very welcoming. [reality tv famous person], Winner of [reality tv show]. was there. [coworker] was thanked

I did go to the party for a little bit, but it was cut short because one of my sheep had mexican food earlier in the day (you can imagin)....some others got really drunk and started fighting with the DJ....and my "star" sheep was hitting on all the men.

party was nice, weekend sucked. had to help my sister move ALL weekend. so much for getting my xmas shopping done.

yea we went... was ok, nothing interesting happened

yes i went - i have one word - cosmopolitans!!!!!!!! yeah i got drunk, so didn't mean to! "and a smaller stature VP telling me that size matters" :-D we were standing and looking at the chocolate fountain that was there. he made a comment about it and i said "i have one at home - but its about half that size", he smiled and laughed and nudged me and said "well u know what they say - size matters!"

went on a roadtrip that almost ended 20 minutes into it, walked around in the ice and snow all weekend and had more fun doing that than staring at a computer screen all day! haha

Went to the party. My wife and I danced all night. Didn't talk to [reality tv famous person]. What am I going to say? Way to go? Way to kill [other tv famous person]'s chance of a job?

I did not go to the party. My husband and I had a choice of three things that night. And we had already commited to one so we went to that. It was a church social thing.

Went to the party... it was nice. In fact, I thought it was one of the nicest corporate holiday parties I've attended. I wish there was less apathy around here and that more of the cynics attended. I think you (you know who you are) would have had a surprisingly good time! Nothing too interesting or exciting to report... except for having an opportunity to meet [reality tv famous person], who is [coworker]'s son and the winner of [reality tv show]. He seems like a nice guy. Anyhoo, the rest of the weekend was nice. Saw King Kong. It's way too long.

Monday, December 19, 2005

I Hate Sick Coffee Guy

“Well I’ve got a cold so I need my coffee strong today.”

I just overheard this at my desk. Which is next to the kitchen. And the garbage. And people yapping in my ear all day. But I digress.

If coffee guy has a cold, then why is he in work? Shouldn’t he be home so he doesn’t get everyone else at work sick? Why do people come into work when they’re all full of germs, sneezing and coughing on everything?

This may be my number one pet peeve in the world. Sick people contaminating otherwise healthy people. Of course it could just be because I am fresh from being sick for like a week. BUT, at least I had the decency to stay home when I didn’t feel well so as to prevent spreading my germs everywhere.

Exactly who does sick coffee guy think he is? Does he think his job is SO ultra-important that he has to come in to work and risk infecting 200+ people with his cold to do his ultra-important job?

I peered over my wall to see who it was. I know that guy.

He’s a nobody.

An infectious nobody full of mucous and bacteria, touching every single surface at the kitchen that he possibly can. He’s touched every cup, coffee pot, and artificial sweetener packet with his snotty, infected fingertips.

That’s right buddy cough a few more times with the coffee pot in your hand. That should do your co-workers good.

So, to everyone, you may want to refrain from drinking any coffee today.

And to sick coffee guy, you may want to watch your back in the men’s room. There’s been a rash of dudes getting kicked in the butt while at the urinals.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

QOTD: memory

question of the day: what is your earliest memory?

My grandmother taking me on the NY Subway

my earliest memory is hanging out with my dad in washington state where we used to live (and wish i still did). he was sodding the yard, and he let me think i was helping by riding on the tool that you use to even out the dirt. i hung out, riding along all day long while he pulled this giant piece of wood with me sitting on it. i was 4 years old. we took a nap on the couch together after. it was awesome.

I'm 4 years old and I'm helping my dad shovel our driveway. I walked behind him and he cracked me full force in the face with his shovel. I've never seen that much blood in my entire life, which is why the memory probably stuck with me.

getting thrown down my basement steps by my brother when i was around 6 months old

I remember being dropped down the stairs when I was 2.

I was swimming and swimming. There were millions of us. The farther I swam, the less of us there were. I finally made it to this giant egg, and had to burrow my way in. I did it! I was the first one. All that arrived after me died, but I survived.

Very early actaully... laying in my crib hoping my mom would come in to get me.

probably the day i got my first dog - or perhaps the last day i would ever see my grandfather alive - i remember visiting him in the hospital - no other memories of him.

Getting a Mickey Mouse alarm clock from my dad

when i was 3 my mom had cancer, and i remember going to the hospital to visit her, and i especially remember the rainbow colored banners in the restaurant area, and the huge open ceiling.

I guess my first memory is getting a Superman Big Weels for my 4th birthday.

Probably my parents telling me that they were getting divorced. It's not as sad as it sounds. I was so young at the time, I dont ever remember a time when they were together.

my sister (me: what about her?) I have to be careful here, remember, ix nae on the im ae

i have random memories between the ages of 3 and 5 - i remember one time, my uncle took me to the mall - and bought me in insane candle that cost 30 dollars...and back in the 80s that was serious bling bling to spend on a kid who probably didn't realize it was a candle...i also used to go outside and feed cheese slices to squirrels...and also occasionally coke the grass - i felt bad that they only got water, so i'd go dump a can of coke in the grass...and i also remember leaving kay bee toy stores with two huuuuuge bags of toys and thinking to myself...god, its good to be spoiled

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

QOTD: the final cut

question of the day: death penalty: yay or nay? why?

FRY THOSE BASTARDS, statistically, more whites are put to death via the death penalty

It’s a hard knock life in the fields of the unknown. Sheep don’t always do what their suppose to and once in a while you’ll have a few that think they can make up their own rules….doesn’t fly with me. Those sheep are then given a warning by having all their wool shaved off in the dead of winter. If one still hasn’t learned his lesson then the “Big Bad Wolf” is brought in to carry out some sort of capital punishment. It’s very simple….eat…graze…follow orders….or this shepherd will bring you to justice.

I'll tell you my answer, but first, why don't you lean a little closer...

Death penalty? Yes. Because punishment should fit the crime. ALWAYS.

Nay – murder doesn’t help stop murder...

Yay.
1. because the person deserves
2. make example so that others do not follow

There are always exceptions, but for the most part I would say yes. If someone takes a life then they obviously don't value human life and don't deserve to live.

Nay….because it doesn’t solve the behavior and there is the possibility for an incorrect verdict…..I think they need to be locked up for life with a purple singing dinosaur

I say death penalty nay for several reasons. Killing a man is killing a man is killing a man, regardless if you pull a trigger or flip a switch, so what makes the executioner better than the homicidal maniac? I think that letting them die is giving them the easy way out. It's way more difficult on criminals to keep them alive, stuck living the rest of their lives behind bars than to just let them leave this earth. I know that many will say that it will cost the tax-payers less money if inmates are executed, but instead, why don't we eliminate prison time for other offenses where the person can be treated with drug rehabilitation or other means.

Nay. How much more hypocritical can we get by killing someone for murder? Not to mention the possibility of killing someone who is innocent!! Watch The Life of David Gale. Read about Ruben Cantu: http://www.slate.com/id/2131194/

Normally, I’d vote for the death penalty. However, here in the states, there is no clear structure – its racist – and there have been so many cases where they’ve put an innocent person to death. And for a fully developed modern democracy – it’s shameful. If there is an element of doubt, there is no way a person should be sentenced to death. However, for example – some guy takes a gun and randomly starts shooting people in the subway and they capture him and know he did it, its on tape, etc – kill that bastard.
And also, people against that the death penalty claim that it is not deterrent to preventing crime – well…that’s crap, cause in Singapore – people don’t mess around. The punishment is so severe that you just don’t break the rules. And it’s fine – I lived there for six months, and I was not scared – I did not break the rules, but neither did anyone else. So as a girl – if I wanted to roam the streets at three in the morning, I could – and never worry about shady people. How many places do you know that possible? Not many. So anyways, it works... grant it, Singapore is a small country/city – so its way easier to control thing, but it does make the point – strict punishment does deter people.
So – I think the death penalty should be implemented, but not in America until they are fair and have their act together.

Yay all the way. I strongly believe that if someone kills another person with intent they should suffer the same fate. My tax dollars should not be used to keep a killer housed, fed and clothed when that money could be put to much better use to help the poor or the homeless. Perhaps if the death penalty were easier to enforce it would deter some people from ruthlessly killing others.

I think that death row inmates are still people, but I don't believe that they should be kept alive on my tax dollar. If someone is willing to pay for an inmate's incarceration for the rest of his/her natural life, that is just fine. Otherwise, I'm on the fiscally prudent side of a cheap needle full of blue stuff.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

QOTD: we major

question of the day: what was your major in college, and why did you decide on that?

Mass Communications w/ a journalism emphasis and I minored in speech communication. I was all set to be a sportswriter. After an internship following my junior year I found out I hated the profession and wasted my degree. Whoops.

Marketing (concentration Graphic Design), with a minor in Philosophy. I was an accounting major for 2 years before I made a radical change in my life. I finally decided to change majors because I really enjoyed business but wanted to explore the creative side of marketing. New business practices were emerging with the dawn of the www in the mid nineties. It seemed a natural fit since I was already experimenting with web design, computer graphics/animation and digital video.

My major started out Psychology because I wanted to help people. Then, I changed it to English Literature. Then, I changed it to English Writing. Then, I went to a different school and continued to study English. When I transferred from that school, I had changed it again to Journalism. Then, I opted for Communications. Then, I transferred again, and got an associates degree in communications. Then, I transferred again, and changed my major to marketing communications. I graduated with a degree in marketing communications which is the equivalent to a degree in liberal studies. It was the one i could get the quickest with all of my transferring around. I only needed electives at school 5 to finish, so that's the real reason for picking it.

My major was psychology......decided on it to get chicks.....'cause we all know the women dig being analyzed and told what their problems are

I navre want tro colege bekuse I kant spel

which semester? went from wildlife science, to communications w/minor in poly sci, then double major criminal justice and psychology w/ minor in sociology - wait - why am i here?

LOL Ummm my major was business psychology with Math and statistics

graphic design, because i've always loved art, but i can't draw very well and the concept of starving artist didn't really appeal to me

Strangely enough, my major was Computer Science. I guess I've always been a geek.

When I was a young boy, a man named Shamus Benheart use to stop by the farm with a herd of sheep to sell us wool for the winter. He wasn't a very good shepherd and the wool he supplied us was dirty and stretched out. I took an solemn oath that day to attend the finest shepherd school; Masking Ridge Shepherd University. There I studied the great art of shaving, washing, and or course herding.

History..I wanted to be a history teacher because i loved studying history.....

I was a fine arts major and a philosophy minor. I wanted to guarantee myself the lowest paying job possible.

double major in international business and marketing -- contemplated international business and finance...but chickened out for some stupid reason - who knows i could have been an ibanker and worked 100 hours a week and be making over 100 grand at the age of 22, i'm an idiot. i knew i wanted to study IBUS and marketing when i was a sophomore in high school cause i won some state competition and go to compete in orlando -- and i'm still pretty naive and think i can run some huge project in asia and generate millions in revenue for some compnay some day

My major was computer science. I had a job doing data entry and get intrigued, took a few programming courses, and went ahead and got the degree.

I majored in Environmental Geology because I always enjoyed math and science.

Comp Sci. I had a Unit Record Machine course in High School. Unit Record Machine you may ask? I am showing my age. It is a machine where you wire a board to produce accounting reports. It was a predessor of a computer program.

History because I didn't like anything else

Civil Engineering followed by Business School

Monday, December 12, 2005

QOTD: whatever it is, it could always be worse

question of the day: assuming this isn't it, what was the worst job you have ever had?

working at the warner brothers store in the mall. everyone that worked there sucked. the job was ridiculous. the uniform was stupid. retail at christmas is crap.

I grew up in NYS in the Catskills about 4 miles from the Delaware River. During the summers, EVERYONE worked for the canoe liveries. I spent one non-eventful summer working at Wild and Scenic Campground and Canoe Rentals. My job consisted of hanging up soggy life vests soaked in a combo of B.O. and stinky river water. I also had the pleasure of cleaning up the campground and checking people into their campsites. One day we had a rather large day camp come in and my boss was short canoes at the launch upriver. I had to haul ass in a van with a 14-canoe trailer attached to the back. The road up to the launch is full of curves and there is no shoulder on the road. The entire drive up my boss was shouting at me over the CB telling me to “get my ass up here now”. I had never driven an empty van, never driven a van with a wobbly trailer full of canoes attached, and I couldn’t drive and answer the CB at the same time. Alas, that was my one and only summer at Wild and Scenic.

I followed the progression that most people do. Food service -> retail --> office job. Nothing can be worse than dealing with the general public AND smelling like food, so the first job is it--working at a pizza/hoagie place.

I had a data entry job in college. The actual job wasn't that bad, but my boss was a proud member of the NRA and a strong supporter of the right to bear arms. I guess that's fine if you're into that kind of thing, but this guy had a lazy eye and really thick glasses. Basically, he was blind and the thought of him packing a gun and attempting to shoot something scared me to death.

i once had the horrible task of trying to rid mercer county's streets of hookers. that didn't work very well, and i never did end up accomplishing my goal. but i learned a very important lesson through that job - if you can't beat them, join them.

My Top 5 Worst Jobs of All Time
5) Environmental Geologist - running for my life from a toxic gas cloud.
4) Landscaping - shoveling manure in 100 degree weather.
3) Taking inventory in a supermarket - I only lasted an hour before I walked out.
2) Car Wash - trying to dry off frozen cars in the winter and being harassed by the mentally challenged workers who "wanted to take [me] home and eat [me] for Thanksgiving dinner."
1) Wearing a chicken costume, waving at cars on the highway...in 100 degree weather.

I shoveled $##@ at a horse farm in the summer when I was 13. This is worse. Although there are less flies.

First Job out of High School and before college. Maintenance worker in factory. Brutal

Working off my community service hours at a mulch depot. Smelled like $#&@ everyday.

Working in the gift department of a major department store during college. My boss was a witch; that job gave me nightmares!

well, when the sheep fly south for the winter a shepherd must make a living somehow. I work on the back of a garbage truck

a machine shop during my senior year of high school. the place was a disgusting messy hole, where my coworkers would entertain me by spraying wd-40 through a lighter (ok, that part was alright). i was supposed to be drawing, but that happened exactly once in 6 months. the entire rest of the time i worked in the shop, basically doing busy work like cleaning burrs off the parts and blowing off the machines. once, i forgot to wear my goggles and a metal shaving went into my eye and i couldn't see for 4 or 5 hours. also, once i hit my hand on something and didn't realize i cut it until a few minutes later, so when i looked down my hand was a bloody disgusting mess. and then i got laid off a week after graduation.

Being an organ grinder's monkey. i was a dapper little monkey

When I was looking for web-related work in 2000, I took a job as a "programmer/analyst" to hold me over. It was over an hour away in bad traffic. Everyone was too busy to train me, so I ended up sitting there all day doing nothing. Longest 3 months of my life.

worked as telemarketer where I was taught how to squeeze money out of old people surviving on social security checks. it still disgusts me

right before i came here - had to take boss's car for oil change, clip articles out of a newspaper, and put his mail in color coded folders. and to get there i had to drive thru the ghettos of trenton - and sometimes when you went to use the bathroom, the toilet seats would be stolen - yes - what a lovely job :-)

Working as a groundskeeper for Cherry Valley Country Club before they opened. Hell, the back 9 hadn't even been built yet! Got fired when my boss overheard me say "He makes us work all day Saturday without OT when I haven't seen his fat-piece-of-@##$ ass out here at all." Got canned 2 hours later and told him he saved me the trouble of quitting. Ah, to be 20 and have no responsibilites!!!

i've never had a really bad job

One summer a friend of my Dad's mentioned that a friend of his was looking for a kid to do some work for him. Because my Dad's friend was an artist and I was into art I assumed that it was helping around an art studio or something. Silly me for assuming! The job was using a pickaxe to create flower beds around this guy's pool. No one was home at the house, it was about 90 degrees out, I was in sandals, had no water, and never did anything like this in my life. I went at it for about 3 hours. My hands were ripped raw and my toes had blisters all over. I finally gave up and walked home (about 2 miles). It sucked big time! The guy offered to pay me for the work that I had done but I was too embarrassed and never went to collect.

when i was 13, i worked at a diner as a dishwasher...I had to wash everything by hand......DON'T EAT AT ANY DINERS!!!!!!!!!

MENSA QOTD - #2

Dave and Anne moved into their new home and then went to the hardware store to make an important purchase. "How much is one?" asked Dave. "$3," came the reply. "What about 20?" "That'll cost you $6." "OK, well we need 2042."

What were Dave and Anne buying and how much did it cost them?

Friday, December 09, 2005

MENSA QOTD

The question I have in mind can never be answered with a yes even by the most brazen liar. What is the question I have in mind?

QOTD: snow day

QOTD is taking a snow day today. See you Monday.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

QOTD: exit plan

question of the day: new jersey is being evacuated. you must leave immediately. what do you do, and where do you go?

A good captain always goes down with the ship...even if the ship happens to be loaded with environmental waste sites and Jersey shore skanks.

go home to PA where it's safe an laugh at all the people from New Jerkey

i'd pull the covers back over my head and go back to sleep

one word: looting.

I'll probably drive to my sister's house in Maryland, crack open a beer, and enjoy a day off from work.

hop on a plane and go to indiana where my uncle lives...outside of jersey, that's the only family i have the states...but if i had to leave forever - i'd either move to california or india - the cold weather is seriously pissing me off...i thought i liked seasons, but ummm - i don't

nothing. i live in pennsylvania where it is safe!

Stick me head between my legs and kiss my sweet ass goodbye. If a nuke goes off, or a biological/chemical attack, FORGET IT!!!

I move to outer banks, NC, burlington, VT or San Diego. Those are 3 places I would enjoy living.

i stay at work so i can receive QOTD...After that, i go around and loot as much as i possibly can...When i am done, i take a flight to Australia and live like a king.

I would grab my previously designated "documents" bag and head west with my wife.

who said that? what happens? Do I have to do? I am going to ask my wife.

OMG!! WHY IS NJ BEING EVACUATED? WHAT IS GOING ON!?!?!? $h!t myself and cry. As a shepherd, I have to stay with the sheep or lead them to the PA boarder. I heard there is good grazing in PA, most of them come from there anyway, so it would almost be like a trip home for the holiday's

well i live in PA, so i'm safe - i'll laugh at all you jersey people trying to get out though :-)

I grab my 2 cats, my family in NJ and head straight to Arizona. Most of the rest of my family lives there and I've always considered relocation there. Then, I get a tan, drink margaritas and enjoy the desert. Also, I will watch FOX News incessantly to find out what the hell is going on in the disaster formerly known as NJ feeling good knowing that I will never go back. :-)

I would head off to Brazil and enjoy the beautiful weather there and laugh about how they finally got it right with NJ by declaring it unfit to have inhabitants

jump into my rocket that I have been secretly building for this occasion. I would fly above the earth to get a "birds eye view" of what's really happening, not listening to what the media is telling that's happening. Then next stop would be the planet I discovered with my super high powered telescope. After the smoke clears I'll fly back and claim all the land is mine and sell it back to the next pilgrams that step foot on my land.

I go to the vodka fountain in the basement, i think [coworker] has a map and the password...you may also need to know how to swing on a vine across a crowded crocodile pit

my office in NY has a comfortable couch and a huge selection of snacks & free cappaccino machine

back to hawaii. LOL

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

QOTD: model for life

question of the day: assuming you don't already have it, what is your dream job?

my dream job entails being the head of of business development for mtv international from new york city

This is it. Although it would be better without some annoying people around (sorry, can't give any names.) I'm lucky to have found a career that I enjoy . . . for the most part. I really cannot imagine doing anything else.

hmmm... maybe I'd like to be tour manager for a big rock band... or their lighting director... or maybe a scuba diving instructor in the Caribbean... or a roller coaster designer...

I would ideally like to be a successful artist living in NYC. The "successful" part is the key here. Being an unsuccessful, starving artist would kind of suck.

be my own boss(me: doing what?) anything. as long as I ain't working for someone else's bottomline

I'd like to work as a decorative throw pillow. Most of the day, you just sit there on the couch and look cute. I can totally do that. Other times, someone might put you on the floor, but people will rarely lay or sit on you since you're so nice looking.

Writer on ESPN.com with a column similar to The Sports Guy, Bill Simmons. However since I’m a woman it would be a female sports perspective.

fashion photographer

My dream job would be as a full time philanthropist. I'd like to hit the lotto and spend my millions helping other people who are legitimately less fortunate get jobs, training and whatever else they need to help themselves achieve a better quality of life. I don't want to just hand out all the money; I want to help people find ways to help themselves. Or, be a movie star.

To be the suntan lotion rubbing boy on the coppertone models....hmm did i answer that a little too quickly?

Tour Guide in Hawaii

Small-scale farmer

child psychologist

what - [company] isn't EVERYONES dream job? :-) well - if i wasn't at such a wonderful place, i'd be at an animal sanctuary or in forensic psychology

lotion boy for Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models

bazaar organizer

I wanna be a shepherd

CIA Agent

POTUS (me: potus?) Man I have to teach you everything? It is Secret Service lingo for President of the United States

I want to be the oil boy for the Hawaiin Tropics modeling team...or I'd also like to be a professional motorcycle racer.

art director for a music magazine, album cover designer, the person who picks the songs out for movies and tv shows, or a travel writer.

I'd like to run a day care center, no wait... I hate children. Make that an abortion clinic.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

QOTD: i like the previews best, anyway

question of the day: favorite movie you've seen in the theater this year?

i didn't go to the movies that much this year. i saw crash, wedding crashers, jarhead and star wars.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith

only saw one... spiderman II

the 40-year old virgin

March of the Penguins

No doubt about it, Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith

I've seen maybe four movies and they all sucked. Last good movie I saw in the theater was "anchorman." Will Ferrell's terrible mustache on the big screen was magical.

I haven't seen many only 2

2005 has been kind of weak in the movie department. but i guess - i enjoyed wedding crashers.

serenity. why? 2 words: SPACE ZOMBIES

Along came Polly

Theater? I haven't been to a theater in years. They have these things called DVDs now... look into it.

star wars episode III

DIARY OF A MAD BLACK WOMAN

broken flowers, It was an indie film with bill murray. I dont think it was that great, but it was better than the other movies i saw this year.

NONE

none they all suk

I haven't been to a movie this year.

We had a baby in April. I haven't seen any movies in the theater this year

Batman Begins

the devil's rejects - rob zombie's sequel to House of 1000 Corpses
---
a better question should have been "what was the last movie you saw in the theater?" because apparently people don't do that anymore.

Monday, December 05, 2005

QOTD: significant

question of the day: what does your "significant other" do for work?

My husband is a corporate trainer.

Something I barely remember and can hardly pronounce. But it pays her enough so that she can afford to keep me!

genetically duplicates the DNA structure of asparagus, so that all asparagus would grow to the same girth and length, giving asparagus a much more pleasant presentation in the world's supermarket vegetable business.

Takes care of our daughter but she will start working for a school in Italy as a US sales rep in February.

he sends out the question of the day

I'm not sure but she just took a job making more than me so I'm ready to quit this place, stay home, and eat bon-bons all day.

Oh you mean my sister, she works at WalMart as a Cashier she looks hot in that blue smiley faced outfit

my ex worked at the same company as me in tech support.

research analyst for dow jones - how boring!

Office manager for a corporate event planning company. Sounds impressive, but is mostly administrative assistant-type work.

Lawyer

He is a writer/editor at Bloomberg in Princeton.

event coordinator

SHe worked with hadicapped people

I don't have a "significant other," but the chick I'm dating just left a high-paying banking job in NY to go back for her Master's in Social Work. Your guess is as good as mine...

Send QOTD's every day

my ex was a receptionist for an art gallery

haha he's a systems administrator and runs a computer network for the Army.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

QOTD: theme song

question of the day: what is your "theme song", the song that best describes your life right now?

Bethoven's 5th

beat it

NIN - Every Day is Exactly the Same

Matchbox Romance - Promise. oh...and the theme song for Shaft

"Happy Holidays, You Bastard" - Blink-182

"My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas :-) haha

"basket case" - green day or "i even drive like a jerk" - bluetip, and there's always "i like food" - the descendents

"Sounds of Silence" would be good a theme right now :-)

Jimi Hendrix, Manic Depression....I know what i want....but i just don't know....how to...go about...getting it.

green acres

My personal theme song changes often, but my current theme song is the new INXS song Pretty Vegas. It is pretty jammin' and I'll admit it, I watched RockStarINXS religiously. I also happen to be planning a big party weekend in Vegas, so I have Vegas on the brain.

Pressure by Billy Joel

Lets fly lets fly away - Sinatra

One little, two little, three little Indians
Four little, five little, six little Indians
Seven little, eight little, nine little Indians
Ten little Indian boys.

Ten little, nine little, eight little Indians
Seven little, six little, five little Indians
Four little, three little, two little Indians
One little Indian boy.

No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn

L'il Kim - Put Ya Lighters Up