You Sit Next to the Lady Who Talks to Herself Day!

(inspired by a true story)

You've been a little chatty at work lately with your cubemate and your boss is getting sick of it. Today when you come into work, you will notice that your cube is empty. Upon further investigation, you will notice your name tag on a different cube, a little ways down the corridor. As soon as you sit down, someone will ask a question out loud and you'll answer it. There will be no reply, although strangely enough, you will hear another answer to the question spoken out loud, in the same voice that the question was asked in. Then another exchange (also in the same voice):

"Should I have a salad for lunch today?"
"Yeah, I probably should, I like salads."
"What kind of dressing should I use?"
"I'll go with the blue cheese."
"Hmmm, I don't know if that is such a good idea. You know how the blue cheese chunks always get stuck in your teeth."
"Yeah, that sounds right, maybe I'll go with Thousand Island."

You'll lean back in your chair, so that you can peek into her cube to see who she is talking to, but no one will be there. Be careful when responding to her in the future, you might interrupt her own self.

Happy You Sit Next to the Lady Who Talks to Herself Day!

QOTD: unreal

question of the day: what reality show would you go on, if you were given the choice, and why?

none. Reality shows are not reality

The Apprentice, so my mother can annoy people at her place of work with weekly updates about my progress.

Amazing Race or that Japanese game show on TBS. They both look like a hell of a lot of fun.

i'd go on a couple things... 'the price is right', 'family fued', 'deal or no deal', and perhaps 'mtv made' - i'd love to be made into a video dancer or a break dancer.

Probably Miami Ink. I've been wanting to get a new tattoo for a while. Either that or Dancing with the Stars so that I can grope a hot actress.

I would go on MTV's Next, to allow 5 ladies to vie for the prize of a date with me. "Don't feel bad for the daters that get the boot though, they'll get cash for every minute they last."

i would love to be on the surreal life, but im not a d-list celebrity...yet. i guess a show like the real world or something like that. they don't have to actually do anything but live in a rad house, eat, drink, sleep and do scandalous things, and then bitch about it later. i'm good at all of those things. plus, i would love to berate those annoying people on tv.

I don’t think I would go on any. As controversial as my mouth and comments are, my personality is to keep peace. I would be a major buzz kill trying to make sure everyone was happy. Besides, I boycott all reality shows. There is enough drama in my life, let alone trying to absorb someone else’s.

Survivor because I’d love to be the nasty, scheming beyotch.

Amazing Race. It would be cool to run around the world and compete!!

i don't know any of the names....okay...i will say fear factor since i heard of that

beauty and the geek. cuz duh, i'm gorgeous!

QOTD: repeat

question of the day: what movie can you watch over and over again and not get tired of?

love actually

austin powers I and II

while you were sleeping is one of them, The Notebook and You've Got Mail are two others. I'm such a girl!

vacation, christmas vacation with Chevy Chase

pee wee's big adventure

shawshank redemption

Naked Gun, Half Baked, Gladiator, Dazed and Confused, Billy Madison and Who's Da Man.

Love Actually, and So I Married an Axe Murderer. One is very sweet and remains so everytime I watch it, and the other is downright hilarious everytime.

DIe Hard

I've watched The Fifth Element a bunch of times and can still watch it. Pulp Fiction is another one. Oddly, I can still watch The Princess Bride over and over. Finding Nemo is a good one, so is The Incredibles. I've watched The Matrix at least 7 or 8 times. I've seen Armageddon a bunch of times even though I never thought it was that great.

the big labowski or full metal jacket

There are a bunch:
Love Actually
Hitch
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
Harold and Kumar go to White Castle
Oceans Eleven
Jackass
The Italian Job
Billy Madison
Ace Ventura Pet Detective

Monsters Inc... or any other Pixar feature.

Die Hard

Any movie. I’m a movie junkie and could care less, as long as it wastes 93 minutes of my life, regardless of how many times I’ve seen it, with the exception of victorian flicks. Victorian flicks serve no purpose in life but to fill the head’s of woman-kind with unrealistic expectations of life and romance. Any male who has seen all 35 parts of “Pride and Prejudice” will agree (I had to watch it. If I didn’t, she said she would stab me).
Anyways, I‘m anxiously awaiting the day when I can plug a cable directly into my head for the ultimate movie watching experience.

QOTD: buy me toys

question of the day: if you won a $100,000 shopping spree at some store, which one would you want it for, and what would you buy?

home depot. i would buy stuff to build a nuclear fallout shelter

probably Ikea and get all new furniture for every room in the house!

A Chevy dealer for a Corvette Z06

either home depot or ikea. i would buy either supplies and tool rental to finish all my projects or all new furniture/curtains/bed stuff/rugs. i am the most boring person ever.

i'd walk into lexus and drive away with SC430 and whoever came with me to drive away in the RX hybrid AWD. what a great thought.

Probably Best Buy. My friends and family would have the best Christmas ever. I'm sure I might get a little something for myself too. Maybe I'd get an HD-DVD player and some HD movies.

Hmmm…probably Henri Bendel or Bloomingdale’s and I would buy a lot of fabulous handbags that I normally couldn’t afford--Marc Jacobs, Michael Kors, Chanel, etc. etc.--probably some cloths and shoes too, but mainly bags that are timeless and I can wear forever (or sell on consignment when Social Security runs out).

I’d have to go with Home Depot or Lowes. They’re pretty much one in the same. We could put all of the upgrades we wanted in our house for free and when we go to sell it in 3-5 years we’d be able to ask for a lot more money. First I’d install solar panels on our roof since we get a ton of sun and could save so much on our energy bills. I’d put in a proper patio in the backyard with furniture and kick-a$$ grill, I’d get built-in cabinets in the closets, new kitchen cabinets and countertops, re-do all of the bathrooms and some kind of storage organization for the garage. And a garage door opener too.

I'd probably have to say a highend shopping mall like Short Hills. 100K is a bit hard to spend in one store. Maybe the Time Square Apple Store??? An entire mall would be better though. Maybe one hat has a car dealership attached.

Kohls.......I would buy everything

Best Buy. More electonic toys.... HDTivo, 8GB iPod Nano, DVDs to (eventually) watch, etc.

The store would be Extreme Machines on Route 33 in East Windsor. I'd probably buy a Yamaha R1 sportbike, a Cruiser motorcycle, a jet ski and a snowmobile. I'd also have to buy a mirror from there, so that I can see the giant smile on my face.

B& H Photo Video, N.Y.
1 Hasselblad dual back medium format- 40K
1 EOS 1D Mark II - 8 K
1 EOS 5D - 4K
3-4 L series lenses - 14K
Computer - 3K
Software - 5K
Dual Monitors - 5-10K
Printers - 5K
Bags, Tripods - 2K
Light Meters - 3K
Few cards and other accesories
Taxes

At this point in my life, I would want it at Home Depot. Since I can't take the cash and invest that 100k, I would put it all into my house. Make my shit look like the Taj Mahal... well, a mini version of it.

First thought was a dollar store, but who really needs 100,000 pieces of crap. The I thought Best Buy, cause electronics rock, but what would I do with 12 plasma screens, 4 home theatre set ups and 68 games that I don’t have time to play, although my music and DVD collection would definitely be kicked up a notch. So the toss up came to Home Depot and Macy’s. Macy’s cause they are a mid class of everything in the home and apparel, while $100k could provide the supplies to build at least 2 decent homes, of which I could sell and come out on top with @ $325K. But I don’t have a house to fill, and no collateral to start a home building business, so I guess I am stuck with the Bunny Ranch where I can live for a month like a Saudi king…

QOTD: joking

question of the day: tell me a joke?

so, these two sharks are in the ocean eating a clown, and the one shark says: does this taste funny to you?

Proper decorum restricts me from telling you a joke

why was the peanut crying? b/c it was a salted

what did the baby corn say to the momma corn? ...where's pop corn?

- A penguin takes his car into the shop and the mechanic says he needs an hour to check it out.
- What kind of car?
- What kind of...a damn penguin car alright? Anyway, he goes across the street to the 7-11 to kill some time and get an ice cream. Penguins love ice cream.
- Really?
- Sure. But because he's got no hands the poor little guy gets the ice cream all over his beak.
- This goin' somewhere?
- so, he goes back to the mechanic, the guy tells him, "looks like you blew a seal." The penguin tells him, "no, that's just a little ice cream."

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says, “Why the long face?”

What do lawyers use as birth control? - their personalities.

What's brown and sticky? A Stick.

hey....I got a good joke...[coworker] still has a job

Yo mama so fat, her finger nails got stretch marks..
Yo mama’s hair so dry, it looks like ramen noodles..
What happens when a politician takes Vi@gra? He gets taller..
To think, there are 200,000 battered women, and I am still e@ting mine plain..

2 cowboys are playing chess. ha ha

Rod - Hey Jack, what's happenin'?
Joe - Oh, I don't know.
Rod - Well, rumor around town says you think you might be heading down to the shore.
Joe - Uh, yeah, I think I'm goin' down to the shore.
Rod - Whatcha gonna do down there?
Joe - Uh, I don't know, play some video games, buy some Def Leppard t-shirts.
Rod - Hey, don't forget to get your Motley Crue t-shirt, y'know, all proceeds go to get their lead singer out of jail.
Joe - Uh huh.
Rod - Hey, you gonna check out the Sandbar while you're there?
Joe - Uh, what's the Sandbar?
Rod - Oh, it's this place that lets sixteen year-old kids drink.
Joe - Oh, cool.
Rod - Y'know who's gonna be there?
Joe - Uh, who?
Rod - My favorite cover band, Crystal Shit.
Joe - Oh.
Rod - Yeah, they do a Doors show, you'd be really impressed, in fact, it goes a little like this:

Love me two times baby
Love me twice today
Love me two times girl
Cause I got AIDS
Love me two times baby, once for tomorrow, once cause I got AIDS

Joe - Wow, Pretty good Jim Morrison impersonation there.
Rod - Yeah, I hope those guys have a good sense of humor and don't take us to court.
Joe - Uh, what's the court?
Rod - Never mind that,
Joe - Oh, you mean like the People's Court?
Rod - Well, that's another story; the important thing here is you gotta ask me how I'm gonna get down to the shore.
Joe - Uh, how you gonna get down to the shore?
Rod - Funny you should ask, I've got a car now.
Joe - Oh wow, how'd you get a car?
Rod - Oh my parents drove it up here from the Bahamas.
Joe - You're kidding!
Rod - I must be, the Bahamas are islands, okay, the important thing now, is that you ask me what kind of car I have.
Joe - Uh, what kinda car do ya' got?
Rod - I've got a BITCHIN CAMARO!

QOTD: 5 years later

question of the day: do you feel any safer now, five years after 9/11? is the government doing all it can to protect its citizens?

What is safety? Complete safety comes only from complete control, which no one has or should have. Do you want someone or some entity to have complete control over everything you do? Certainly not if you love freedom. Five years after 9/11 I fear the government more than I have ever feared any outside threat. Why do people claim our troops are fighting for freedom while our politicians simultaneously steel our freedom from us with unconstitutional laws. The public was scared on and after 9/11 and that has been used against us to take away our freedoms leaving us all to feel less comfortable to dissent.

My housemate, Oh-Sam-a says that there is nothing to worry about. not really. two words: beard ticks.

they could do more if people were not such idiots. people complain too much that their privacy is being violated

no i defintely don't feel as safe. 5 years ago we all lived ignorant to the fact that 9/11 could happen - now we know it can happen, and will happen again. our government has done a few things to safeguard us, but there are so many open/missing links in our security that its truly only a matter of time before another catastrophe happens on our soil again

i feel fine, i'm not going to change my life for any reason. I don't second guess any of my actions because of terrorists. Government is doing what it's got to do. Their hands are tied in some aspects because most americans won't allow them to do what they need to do.

A coworker was wearing a child’s plastic “Sheriff Badge” at an airport last week (if you knew Bob, you wouldn’t really ask why he would do that) and was able to walk through all the security checkpoints, only being asked to register his side arm. Until I see bomb sniffing dogs at every subway, Patriot missile launchers in the Hudson, and a national thumb scanner tied to a security database at every restaurant, hotel, airport, post office and hospital, then the answer would be “no”.

i believe that it is. i believe that we would have been attacked again by now if they were not doing something to protect us. frankly, we were left pretty vulnerable after 9/11, and they could have hit us again easily, and did not. for all the complaining everyone does, they ought to be more grateful for their freedom and opportunities.

yes and no. i know since 9/11/01 we have a lot more domestic monitoring, jets for emergencies, etc. however - the US war lead against iraq (remember saddam and iraq is the WRONG country and WRONG guy - we want osama in afghanistan or pakistan) makes us look like we have no clue what to do. we are attacking/fighting to seem like we are doing something. internationally, our reputation is shit and we constantly meddle in problems. and i think that puts us in an even more volatile situation than we were in previously.

i feel like nothing has actually happened except for airport regulations and a really bizarre war that we are definitely not "winning." im not sure what the correct course of action would have been, but i feel like sending undercover snipers into afghanistan would have been better than sending troops into two countries where theyre been blown to pieces daily. i really dont know if i ever felt unsafe, but i feel like eventually things are going to get really ugly here. the terrorists that have the agenda to destroy america will never give up, and obviously theyre smart and resourceful, and keep coming up with ways to get around the current safety regulations. eventually, we will feel unsafe daily if we dont come up with some sort of peaceful strategy to deal with this problem.

I'll feel much safer when I buy my Remington 870 express synthetic shotgun.
----
Remember what you were doing on the day of the attacks?

QOTD: vacation, time to get away...

question of the day: where is your favorite place to go on vacation, and where was your best vacation ever?

lately i like to go to my farm for a mini-vacation, but i think any island is a great place to go. the best vacation ever was iceland because it was so unlike any place i have ever been, and they put "troll area" on the tourist maps. that was silly.

i think cruises are the greatest and my favorite spot was Curacao

best vacation EVER was Puerto Rico. Went to Dorado for a couple days and just relaxed. It was absolutely fantastic. You can take a day trip to San Juan from there, butyou're still far enough away to not have to deal with crowds and stuff while you're relaxing. It's awesome. So far, it is my favorite vacation spot.

Amsterdam is my favorite spot, been there twice and planning on my third soon. Hard to find the best vacation cause they've all been amazing. If I had to pick one, Poland is up there with one of the greatest.

The Grand Canyon, because it's easy to stage a fatal falling 'accident'.

kauai, hawaii

favorite place to go is Kiawah Island, SC. Best vacation ever was probably to Arizona

My favorite place to go on vacation is any tropical island in the Caribbean. My best vacation ever was in Vegas for a friend's bachelor party.

Hands down London. It has everything. History, museums, walking tours, fantastic pubs (my favorite part), shopping, did I mention the pubs?

Baghdad.

Since I don’t do favorites, I would say the top places were Key West, Las Vegas, San Juan and Mont Tremblant (Canada, east coast).

QOTD: scary

question of the day: when were you last really really scared?

When I met you!!

probably when i thought my cat had cancer and was going to die

Never, I bitch slap fear with my pimp hand.

I don't think I've ever been really, really scared. I was kinda scared when I went bungee jumping, but I knew I would be okay so that doesn't really count.

i had a nightmare this weekend that stayed with me for hours. i can still remember exactly what happened and how i felt in the dream, and it stills scares the shit out of me. the nightmare would make an awesome horror movie though.

at the hospital when my son was born because you never know what can happen.

when i saw those mutha f*ckin' snakes on a plane!

About 10 years ago, I went with a friend to a place that I never should have gone to. Anyway, the people there were not to happy to be seeing a new face. Within seconds a gun was in my neck and they started asking all kinds of angry questions. In that moment, I assumed that day would be my last and I kinda made peace with everything in my mind. That's why I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. Everyday since that day is all just bonus time for me now, because I should probably be dead right now.

That's easy. It was last Tuesday when I saw Mrs. [coworker] in the light. But I did her anyway. Whatever - I have no morals

This was a long time ago... Girlfriend says "I'm late." errrrrrrrr. Turns out it was nothing.

Last week. I was driving home and an 18-wheeler didn’t see me and started coming over to my lane. There was a car on my left and I couldn’t get over. If I didn’t lay on the horn and hit the brakes he would have just knocked me right off the road.

Living with my ex wife. She turned out to be bi-polar with all the extreme emotional swings. I spent many nights afraid to go to sleep. Anyone who can use CD jewel cases like Chinese throwing stars is someone you don’t want to turn your back on.

It was dark. I wasn’t wearing sunglasses. The tide was coming in and I was buried up to my neck in millions of tiny particles of broken earth the locals call sand. In hindsight, maybe I shouldn’t have consumed all those buffalo wings and beer. But then again, maybe I shouldn’t have called Jake “Greasy Thumb” [coworker]’s sister a two-timing whore. I figure if I don’t drown in salty blanket of foam, the crabs will certainly have their way with me. Tonight they will feast by the light of the moon. A sickening scrapple of face will be on their plates. Soon it will begin. The time draws nigh. I grapple with the truth of the matter. I am really really scared.

QOTD: sounds of science

question of the day: whats the most annoying sound in the world?

The sound of my skin being pricked for a blood test. :)

A;LKBJRL;KNADFKL;JGO;I3EJRTG;LKEWJRVSAK4J3;T

When Helen Hunt speaks, puppies die.

a baby doing anything. actually children in general.

[coworker] laughing

when my boss yells my name from the other room when he needs something...yeah, thats pretty darn annoying.

those stupid wawa radio commercials!!!!

The grinding and clicking of a failing hard drive. There goes all your porn!

My neighbor across the street mowing, or leaf blowing at 8am on a Sunday morning.

nails on a chalkboard

people dialling phones on speakerphone, the nextel beep beeping, a trucks backup beeping noise, pretty much anything that beeps

The sound of my neighbors voice calling me to put a lamp shade on her lamp, or calling me to move her car cause she won’t walk on gravel in the rear parking lot. She is so hot though..

that damn whisper that's always saying kill, kill, kill that mofo.

when somone eats with their mouth open. Even worse is when someone slurps their soup. It drives me insane where I just want to go over and ... nevermind... count to ten. I'll be okay.

The sound of [company] puncturing my skin with a syringe so that I can enroll for health insurance (every year).

QOTD: at least trash gets picked up

question of the day: where is the dividing line between north and south jersey?

I-195

edison

anything north of flemington is north jersey. anything south of trenton is south jersey

I believe it's the Mason-Dixon line. Or is it the 38th parallel?

trenton. below trenton is weird and scary.

My house.

rt 33. give or take 10 miles

Although some people think the Mason Dixon line goes through NJ, it doesn’t. However, if you extended it straight across the PA/MD border, into NJ, it would cut through Tuckerton, two towns south of me. I always used to get annoyed when people said it went through NJ until I read that.

I pose a conundrum to you, a riddle if you will. I’d go one step further and say there is North, Central and South Jersey. I’ve lived in Mercer Co. and I now live in Burlington and let me tell you-Burlington is totally South Jersey. I might as well be in Philly. I’ve also had to do a lot of work up North and it is like a different planet up there.
North: Northern parts of Hunterdon, Somerset and Union Counties and up.
Central: Southern parts of Hunterdon, Somerset Middlesex, Mercer and Monmouth.
South: Everything else

i always thought it should be Province Line Road but it doesn't extend across the state.

Turn on your tv. If they are New York networks, you are in North Jersey. If they are Philly stations, you are in South Jersey. If they are Atlantic City stations, you have a gambling problem. Remember to tip your hooker.

Trenton

You never saw the line? That is just crazy. It connects 2 pots ole gold which are protected by ninja lepricons.
To be honest, I am totally confused myself, but then again I am not a native (thank God). My impression is that N Jersey is more a status and an income level than an actual place, kinda like Shangri-La,..when in reality, it is no different that any other place in Jersey.

QOTD: putting the FUN back in...

question of the day: what song do you want played at your funeral for people to remember you by?

"my way' by frank sinatra

Dust in the Wind. And people can shout, “You’re my girl ___!”

Nothing because when I die, all music will cease, children won't laugh anymore, and love will no longer exist in the world.

moonlight mile- rolling stones and darlin' companion- johnny and june carter cash for my dude so he cries and remembers that i'll haunt his ass if he does anything dirty with another lady

Ted Nugent's "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang"

Aqualung!!!!!!!!!!!

'ghetto' by RL ... juuust kidding. but seriously though, i didn't realize people had songs at funeral...

Yakkety Sax.

How morbid…but I’m game. How about the theme from the Benny Hill Show, complete with a group of half naked women and a keystone copper running single file in and about all those there to bid one last farewell good-bye.

the misfits - last caress

Highway to Hell