cricket-kick-ball or maybe crick-kick-ball

So, we're developing a new sport here at the office. It's part cricket, part kickball, part baseball. We haven't worked out all the details yet but we're pretty sure it's going to sweep the nation. This will enable us to quit our day jobs and reap in the profits of owning the NCKA (national cricket kickball association).

Here's the rules so far. There are 2 bases, kind of like wickets from cricket. The batter has a cricket bat and strikes a kickball that is bounce-pitched to them. The fielders must stay behind the pitcher until after the ball is struck at which time the fielders may run up, grab the ball and attempt to bean the batter before he takes his base. Once he's on base, he then has to run home on the next hit. This runner may also get beaned for an out.

It's starting to look like we really just want to play dodgeball with big sticks.

Don't get the co-workers wet, don't feed them after midnight...

So, after this terrible office move at my company, I find myself sitting in "suckers row" right next to the kitchen area. As if smelling tuna all day and being exposed to multiple microwaves from the 350 pound blobs heating up their half-dozen lean cuisine dinners wasn't bad enough. The past few days I've been getting splashed by some old bitty washing her dishes.

That's right. Getting splashed. From the sink. Over my 6 foot cube wall. Onto my head, computer, monitor and keyboard. This woman's dirty dishwater. Awesome. Only about 7 more months until my 2% raise.

Non-condimentarians get no respect

A co-worker of mine is always bitching about the food we get at work. No matter what it is, he bitches about it and won't eat it. He's not a vegan or vegetarian. He doesn't do the Atkins or South Beach diets. He's not diabetic. He has only one restriction when it comes to food - he doesn't like condiments.

Ketchup, mayo, mustard, oil and vinegar, any kind of salad dressing. If this dude's food is moist at all from the application of a condiment, he's not eating it.

We say that he's picky but he came up with a good point today. Does society consider vegetarians picky because they don't eat meat? What about those folks that won't eat red meat or fish? Are they "picky" eaters? We don't really think of them that way. But this dude that won't eat condiments gets that label every time. He'll eat any food, just as long as a condiment doesn't touch it.

He's a non-condimentarian. And he's still a picky bitch.