Happy Get B.O., So That Everyone Leaves You Alone Day!

This morning, you woke up on the wrong side of the bed and it seemed like a Camel pissed in your Cheerios. You've been walking around with that dumb, fake smile for almost 2 years now and everyone is sick of seeing it. There it is, every morning in the mirror, just sitting there smiling back at you. It doesn't even look real anymore. Your past few relationships have ended in disaster, even though you tried to warn them "I'm not boyfriend material and I'm certainly not marriage material." But for some reason, they thought they could change you.

In order to make sure that no one tries to date you or change you anymore, you've been packing on weight like a mad man. Burger King every single night of the week. King-sized everything. Hershey Pie Desserts by the truckload. Yet they still want to "go out for drinks" or "grab a movie."

You've had enough. It all ends here. Yes, this morning, for the first time in your life (and probably for the first time anywhere), you are going to prepare the finest and stinkiest, garlic, onion and fish guts bath that anyone has ever attempted to create. This will also be the last bath that you take for the duration of the month. Into the garbage goes your deodorant, cologne, after shave lotion and anything else that doesn't smell like the South Street Seaport.

There, try to date me now...suckers!!!

Happy Get B.O., So That Everyone Leaves You Alone Day!