Recent instant messages (sent and rec’d)

“Dude, I’m jonesing for coning.”

“It’s back”

“If I had an elephant for every hot chick in this place… well, I’d only have about 2 elephants.”

“That guy smells like deli meats. Like salami or something. It’s funny how when you’re hungry and you go into a deli and you’re like ‘yum, smells like deli meat.’ But when you’re in the men’s room and that guy comes in you’re like ‘damn, smells like deli meat.’”